De harde waarheid over seks na kinderen (is dat er dan nog?)

nachtrust

03.09.2017 04:55

Was seks vroeger misschien een relatief onbezorgde activiteit, met kinderen in huis is dat een heel ander verhaal. Zijn ze echt niet wakker? Komen ze niet ineens schreeuwend binnenstormen? Allerlei vragen, die het moment (als het er eenmaal is, vaak ook een uitdaging) er niet bepaald romantischer op maken. Deze ouders weten er alles van.

1. De dirty talk is niet meer als vanouds

Husband: “Talk dirty to me.”
Me: “Okay, the laundry, the dishes, the kids, the house…” #parenting #sexafterkids #dirtytalk

— Baby Monologues (@babymonologues) July 29, 2016

2. Net als vroeger

Being married with children is like being a teenager again. You can only have sex if you sneak around and don’t get caught.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2013

3. Dit is een goede tip!

“Mommy and daddy are cleaning our room tonight, so don’t come in!” #sexafterkids https://t.co/csGmxL2Rrs

— CCMomsBlog (@CCMomsBlog) April 21, 2016

4. Je moet wel je best blijven doen

Be sure to keep the spark alive by texting him sexy little nothings like,

“We need to check the kids for lice” and “please buy tampons”.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 10, 2016

5. Voorspel is ook niet meer wat het geweest is

Foreplay for a stay at home mom… Telling your your spouse “I had a shower today…” #married life #sexafterkids

— Kim Stringfellow (@Mamastehome) March 13, 2016

6. Soms moet je keuzes maken

“Somehow a nap seems sexier than sex.” #momtruth #sexafterkids #thingsivereallysaid

— Dracula (@mavismouse1234) February 2, 2017

7. Prioriteiten mensen!

Dear parents who photograph their children napping or set up dinosaur scenes while their kids are sleeping: You should be having sex.

— everything’s GREAT (@SarahThyre) November 20, 2013

8. Die goeie ouwe tijd…

People think being a dad is just wearing cargo shorts and making lame jokes but you also got to have sex at least once and that was cool.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 26, 2016

9. De tijden veranderen

Instead of a cigarette after sex I usually just mumble stuff like “my back hurts” or “are you getting up with the kids tomorrow?”.

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) August 19, 2013

10. ‘Houston, requesting permission to land…’

#sexafterbaby is like being an earth bound space shuttle. If “reentry” is 3am u go for it or miss window & spend another week in orbit.

— jlamarsh44 (@jarman44) December 12, 2011

11. Nope!

Husband walking around in a towel…I swear if our son was sleeping and I wasn’t so tired and…who am I kidding..#nosexlife #babysonogravy

— Pandora Paton (@pandora_paton) May 29, 2017

12. Zó misleidend

So sick of blog posts with titles like: Parents tell what sex is really like after having kids.

I’m over here thinking, “There’s sex?”

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) June 1, 2016

13. Slim!

Being a parent forces you to be a little smarter lol #parenthood #sexafterkids pic.twitter.com/iuW1oUFL6v

— Tarrence M Patterson (@CrimsonPurgator) May 7, 2014

14. Even een sexy setje aan

Just put on fancy socks and a night shirt with no food stains so I can try to seduce my husband later.

— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 23, 2016

15. Het zit er niet meer in jongens

It’s when you and your spouse start referring to each other as “Mommy” and “Daddy” that you realize you’re never having sex ever again.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 29, 2012

16. Je realiseert je ineens hoe knap het is dat je ouders nog bij elkaar zijn